You may feel like you are at the end of your rope and can’t take anymore with your spouse. Maybe you can not remember why you got married in the first place or something has happened that has changed the person you married. Even if you are already separated, before officially filing divorce papers, there are a few things that you should consider. Divorce is a big step and shouldn’t be taken lightly. The divorce process can be messy and you probably have a lot of questions to ask a divorce attorney. However, before you turn to divorce lawyers, think about the following:
Emotions
People can get so incredibly angry that they feel like they are never going to calm down. At these times it can be easy to send off divorce papers and feel good about it. However, even if it takes a very long time, emotions fade and calm themselves. This is when separation with intent to reconcile is a good idea. Maybe you should even consider marriage counselling. The point here is, don’t file divorce papers because you are angry. There needs to be logical thinking involved in the decision. You don’t want to waste everyone’s time and money by going through with the process only to decide half way through that you don’t actually want a divorce.
Reasons
You need to know why you are divorcing. If you can’t look back in a few years and pinpoint exactly why you got divorced and have no regrets then you are doing the wrong thing. There are definitely legitimate reasons why people get divorced and that is specific to each person. Your reason may be legitimate to you and that’s all that matters. What’s important is that you can explain to yourself why you got divorced should the time come when you begin to wonder why you left your spouse. Humans tend to look at hindsight through rose colored glasses and you’ll need to be able to bring your mind into focus and address each issue of why you divorced.
Children
If you have children then you’ll need to consider what they will have to endure. Younger and older children alike. While they may react differently, both age groups will have issues to deal with when it comes to divorce. Logistics like custody and where they live and if they will have to change schools will need to be decided as well as who pays for the up bringing, well being, health insurance, college, etc and who gets to claim them as dependents. Other than logistics, it’s important for children to understand that they are still loved and cared for by both parents and that when it comes to parenting, the mother and father still act as a unit. Sometimes, older children will try to play the parents against one another if they pick up on any bad mouthing or ill feelings. Make sure the children know you stand united when it comes to them.
Finances
You’ll need to think about how you will support yourself when one spouse is gone. Can you still afford the place you live in? Can you afford the car you drive on one salary? If you are a stay at home parent, once you the divorce papers are signed and finalized, how will you earn a living? Who will take care of the kids while you are working? All of these things need to be decided with a clear head and a good adviser at your side. You need to know that you can support yourself and take of yourself as well as any children.
Support
Have you just become friends with your spouse’s friends and neglected your own? This is often the case in marriage. The problem here is that if you divorce your spouse, you will have no support system because friends tend to stick by the one that they knew first. Make sure that you have family and friends around you to support you and help you through the hard times.
If you really feel like you have done all it takes to save your marriage, then maybe it is time to seek out a divorce lawyer and get things moving. Just remember that it is a big and life changing decision.
